Why You Keep Falling Back Into the Same Habits and How to Break the Cycle

You know that maddening moment when you promise yourself “never again” and then somehow end up right back in the same habit? Running late, spending you didn’t plan, putting yourself last, clutter creeping back in, procrastinating on the one task that matters most. We’re not treating that like a willpower issue. We’re treating it like a root cause issue.

We walk you through a mini coaching session you can do with a notebook in real time, using the Five Levels of Why (the Five Whys) to get to the thought beneath the thought. We take common struggles across time management, money habits, self-care, home organisation and work productivity, and show how the surface problem often points to something deeper: weak boundaries, guilt around rest, emotional regulation, control, fear of judgement, or even identity. When you can name what’s actually driving the behaviour, you stop chasing random tips that never stick.

Then we go further with the Vexenova technique, our practical framework for change: recognise what’s on repeat, reveal what’s underneath, replace the belief that isn’t serving you, rewrite what you’ll do differently, and reinforce the new pattern until it becomes natural. We also unpack the thought-belief-action-habit-life cycle, and (for those who want it) connect the process to Romans 12:2 and the renewing of your mind, blending Christian mindset coaching with real-world steps like delegation, boundaries and supportive rhythms.

If you’re ready to break cycles with support and accountability, we share how to connect with us and where to find deeper coaching inside the She’s Organised Hub. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s stuck in a loop, and leave a review so more people can find practical help that goes deeper than the surface.

Transcript

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Welcome And The Problem Loop

Mel 0:18

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in. There are things in our lives we genuinely want to change that somehow we keep ending up back in the same place. Whether that's running late, feeling like there's never enough time, spending when we said we wouldn't. Perhaps it's putting yourself last or clutter building back up in your home. We often try to fix the thing that we can see. But sometimes the thing we can see is simply pointing us towards something deeper. And today I want to show you how I use two of my coaching tools together. So one of them is the Vexanova technique, and the other one is five whys or five levels of why. So think of this as a mini coaching session. So I know that we've had a lot of episodes with guests and amazing information and stuff along the way. But today I actually want to invite you in to what it would be like being coached by me. So grab a notebook, choose

The Five Levels Of Why

Mel 2:05

something that you've been struggling with, and work through it with me. So I want to start by introducing the five whys, or five levels of why, which I tend to call it more. The five whys isn't something that I created. I actually had to go back and find who originally created this way of problem solving. And I believe I found the source, and it comes from a Japanese man, Sakichi Toyota, and became well known through Toyota, the car company, as a way of getting to the root cause of a problem. And so I've adapted this concept into the way that I coach. And I use it mainly within the reveal stage of the Vexenova technique, but it can be sort of a standalone kind of thing as well. And it really does help to uncover the thought beneath the thought. And so I'm going to help you work through this so you can actually practically apply it to your life. And I'm going to give you some examples on my five different pillars of time, home, work, money, and self-care of where you might find that something stands out and relates to you, but you can adapt it to your particular situation. And so we start with the thing that you think is the problem. So ask yourself why. Take that answer and ask why again and keep going five times. So we're looking for the thought beneath the thought. Sometimes you'll reach something meaningful at level three. Sometimes you need to go a little bit more than five. That's okay. Approach it with curiosity and kindness rather than trying to force an answer. Just get curious with how you go through this process. And so I'm going to give some different

Time Stress And Hidden Boundaries

Mel 3:55

examples here. I'm going to start with time. I'm going to use the example, I never have enough time. I hear that all the time. Absolutely every single person that comes into my coaching space, this is what they say. I never have enough time. So this is one possible scenario. So we can ask why? Because there's always too much to get done. Why is there too much? Because I take responsibility for a lot of things. Why do you take responsibility for so much? Because when something needs doing, I automatically think I should do it. Why do you think you should do it? Because I know I can do it and I don't want to let anyone down. Why does letting someone down feel so uncomfortable for you? Because I've connected being dependable with always being available. Whew, that's pretty big in some ways there. And maybe the issue isn't actually a lack of time. It could be a boundary around availability and responsibility. And that opens up completely different solutions as well, from delegating, saying no, setting boundaries, delaying something, maybe even just lowering your own expectations around things or asking for help. That branches into a whole realm of solutions there. Now let's have a

Spending As A Quick Reward

Mel 5:24

look at money. I keep spending money I didn't plan to spend. One example. So let's dive into that one. Why? Because I see something I want and buy it. Why do I buy it straight away? Because it feels like a little reward. Why does it feel like you need a reward? Because I've had a hard week and I've done so much for everyone else. Why does spending become the reward? Because it's quick, it's easy, and it gives me something that's just for me. Why are you needing to find those little moments through spending? Because I haven't intentionally created other ways to care for myself or enjoy what I already have. Now, this may be less about budgeting and more about emotional regulation or even self-care. So just because this started off as potentially a money issue and maybe a money pillar doesn't mean it necessarily stays there. We could move into self-care, move into time, all these things are connected. So digging deeper can help you reveal the real root cause of this problem. Now let's take self-care.

Self-Care Guilt And Earned Rest

Mel 6:42

I never make time for myself. That's a really common one that I hear as well. So I'd ask why? Because there's always more important things to do. Why are those things more important? Because other people are relying on me. Perhaps your family, things like that. Why does that mean your needs have to wait? Because I feel better taking care of everyone else first. Why do you need everyone else taken care of before you can rest? Because otherwise I feel guilty sitting down when something still needs to be done. Why do you feel guilty? Because somewhere along the way, I started believing that rest has to be earned. Now, maybe the issue here isn't finding 30 minutes. It's actually around permission, dealing with the guilt and perhaps why you feel guilty in taking some time out for yourself. So if I only coached this person facing this problem in a time management kind of way, of okay, let's try and make time and fit in this self-care, I wouldn't actually be coaching the real problem, wouldn't really be getting to the heart of it. So that's why when I have these one-on-one sessions with people, when I'm in my group coaching sessions inside of the She's Organized Hub, I do dig that bit deeper because I'm helping you uncover things that you've perhaps never seen before. So

Clutter, Control And Carrying The Load

Mel 8:23

moving on to a home example. My house keeps getting cluttered. I think most people do come to me because they see physically around them in their space the disorganization and they get overwhelmed by their environment. And then this is where we start to unpack so much more. So I'll read that one again. My house keeps getting cluttered. Okay, so why? Because things aren't getting put away. Makes sense. But why aren't things getting put away? Because by the end of the day, I'm exhausted and just put things wherever, wherever they happen to land. Why are you so exhausted? Because I'm carrying so much of the household load, even mental load. Why are you carrying so much of it? Because it's easier to do things myself than explain, delegate, or wait for someone else. Why do you feel like you need to do it all yourself? Because I have a particular standard for how things should be done, and letting go of that feels uncomfortable. Now that's one possible example. And believe me, I've heard hundreds of different variations of this. But going off this example, maybe the answer it isn't more order and storage containers and pretty pantries and all of that kind of stuff. Maybe we're actually dealing with your capacity or delegation, expectations, or most likely the need for control. Now, even that need for control can go so much deeper again if we were to unpack it further. So, yeah. This is why I never just take what you tell me at face value. And I unpack it and why, why, why? Like an annoying little kid that's trying to understand how things work. I keep asking why. Now, I will finish off this example with a work example.

Procrastination And Fear Of Judgement

Mel 10:35

So I hear this a bit too when it comes to people's work, study, the things that they need to get done in terms of contribution in their life. I keep procrastinating on this thing I know I need to do. So procrastination is a problem. So this could be your business, could be your employment, it could be your volunteer work, could even be things around the home if you are a stay-at-home mum. This is your contribution. So let's unpack this one around procrastination. Why? Because I keep finding other things to do instead. Why are you choosing other things? Because they're easier and I know how to do them. Why does this particular task feel harder then? Because it puts me out there and people will see what I've created. Why does that bother you? Because they might not like it. Or it might not work. Why does that feel so significant? Because I'm attaching the outcome of what I create to what it says about me. Now, maybe we're not dealing with procrastination in this. We could be dealing with fear of judgment, failure, but likely a level of identity. There is something in you that hasn't been properly broken off you yet, or hasn't been broken through yet. And so another productivity system, it might help you organize the task itself, but there's also something much deeper that needs addressing, especially if we are talking identity, because your whole world shifts and your whole perception shifts around that. Now, when it comes to going through these five levels of why, you can use it for absolutely anything when you catch yourself thinking some sort of lie or limiting belief or something that's holding you back. You really want to kind of understand a little bit more.

The Vexanova Technique Five Rs

Mel 12:48

Now, I also have something called the Vexenova technique. This is my technique. This is unique to me. However, the concept itself is not unique. It is something that many others out there have in other varying forms. And there's a lot of professional resources around how this type of method works. But this breakdown of it and how I go about it and the frameworks, this is what worked for me for many years before I could even put the words to it. So this is my technique, and it is unique to she's organized. And so I'm going to help break this through so then you can apply this to your situation. Now, awareness, it's wonderful. But we actually want to do something with that. So you might have become aware of something when you're going through those five layers of why there and you're breaking it down. You know what it is now, but you're thinking, what do I do about it? How do I change it? This is where the Vexanova technique comes in. So there's five R's in it. Now, the first one is recognize. So what are you noticing? What's happening on repeat, day in, day out? What behavior, reaction, or thought keeps showing up for you? Name the surface level problem. That is recognize. Now, reveal, this is where those five whys can really come into play and make it more useful for you. Now, what's underneath this? Why are you responding this way? What are you believing? What are you afraid might happen? What expectations are you perhaps carrying around this? So, what is that thought beneath the thought? Now, the third step is replace. So now that you've found the new belief that you that you have, what is true about it? Now, I like to weigh it up with scripture as a Christian. What does scripture say about it? Now, this could be around what you have been believing as true or as fact, which in fact is not helping you or serving you. You can unpack that more, but you can also unpack what you want to replace it with instead. What would a healthier belief around this look like? And what do you want to believe and operate from instead? Now, this isn't just making up some random belief here. We might be going on about, you know, I don't believe I'm good enough to I am worthy of being looked after. Whatever it is. So it's taking that thing that is not serving you and turning it into something that is going to serve you and look after you. And eventually those around you too. Now rewrite. So if you've lived from this new belief, what would it actually do differently for you? What boundary needs to change? What conversations perhaps need to happen in order for this to take effect? Maybe a system needs to change here. Maybe it's around the 4D filter that I have in the Beltrix method, around delete, delegate, delay, do differently. Maybe it's something practical on that sense. What is an intentional step you can make here to move you towards where you want to be? That's rewriting in this case. And then we want to reinforce it. So now this new pattern needs to be on repeat. How are you going to remind yourself of this? What happens when old thoughts come back in? What system or rhythms? I like to use rhythms, support this new response. And how do you practice this until it becomes normal and natural for you? Breaking down that vexenova technique, going through the recognize, reveal, replace, rewrite, reinforce, using those five Y's to help you with

Thoughts Become Habits Become Life

Mel 17:43

that. You can seriously change some of the beliefs you have around things. Now, another cycle that I use here is one where it shows a cycle of thought, belief, action, habit, life. Circles back around the thought, belief, action, habit, life. And it keeps going around and around. The thought we repeatedly entertain can become something that we believe. So this is partly what we are doing with that Vexenova technique is we have to consciously think about it to the point where it actually then becomes automatic, natural. And so that then forms a new belief. Now to go further, so sort of zoom out into how that plays in our life, you have your thoughts, right? You're rewriting them. They become your beliefs. But those beliefs influence how you act. And repeated actions become habits. And then those habits shape how you experience your everyday life. And to be honest, it is a full circle thing here because your everyday experiences will feed new thoughts back into the cycle. And it goes back around again. Thoughts, beliefs, actions, habits, life. This is why getting underneath the surface can be so powerful because the easiest way to interrupt this cycle, if you want to change the way that you go about your life. Now, this could be used for anything. This could be used for weight loss. This could be used for anxiety. This could be used for just navigating how you respond to your kids. Like this can actually be pretty powerful and used for a lot of things, not just organizing. But I try to keep it simple because I want you to understand how it works and the concept of it first, so you can put it together.

Renewing Your Mind In Practice

Mel 20:04

And I find that all of this comes back to the scripture in Romans 12, 2, where it talks about being transformed by the renewing of your mind. I mean, there is stuff in there that science is only just catching up to now that was written thousands of years ago. God knows. God knows how powerful our thoughts can be and how that can end up dictating a lot of what happens in our life. And so this is interrupting that pattern and helping rewrite a more positive, productive, healthy way of thinking. So just to reiterate and give a bit of an example here, if we're looking at just say, I don't have time for myself, if we recognize I keep telling myself I don't have time for myself, that's that form's underrecognized, we could reveal, once we've done the five whys, that I've actually come to believe that rest needs to be earned. And so then we could replace that with something like, my worth isn't measured by how much I get done. All rest helps me steward my capacity and care well for the responsibilities God has given me. Replace it with something good and then rewrite it. So what changes if you actually believe that? Maybe you do protect 30 minutes of your time. Maybe you leave the washing until tomorrow because it's actually really not that big a deal. Maybe you could ask your husband to help with bedtime with the kids. Maybe you just stop filling every available pocket of time up with things to the point where you burn out. And then we reinforce it. So just keep practicing it over and over. And as soon as you catch yourself thinking something that doesn't align with this, I should be doing something productive right now. Anything along those thoughts. And you bring it back to what you know is true. What's fact? What's positive? What's God saying with all of this? So that can give you an example of tying all this together. Now,

Support, Coaching And The Hub

Mel 22:19

I only have so much time to go through all of this. And yes, I've given you a little bit of the how. But it can be quite overwhelming processing all these things yourself. Yeah, you could take the time to go through it. Do it all yourself and work through it. But are you going to stay accountable? Are you going to find it so easy that you don't need any support and you don't need any help? Maybe. But for those of you that know that you need some support around this. And when you start actually going through some of these levels and you think, my goodness, this is deep. This is actually a lot deeper than I was expecting. And I don't know where to go from here. I actually don't know how to handle this. And it's stirring up a lot of things. Now, I am not a therapist, psychologist, anything like that. I'm a life coach. I actually help you just apply these things practically to your everyday, to walk through with you every day. As things pop up in your day, I'm there to help you. I'm there every day throughout the day going through things. And whenever you need me, you can reach out. So that is what I'm also there for inside the She's Organized Hub. Now, I haven't taken nearly enough time to go through this properly. But inside the She's Organized Hub, I have created what I call the mental declutter course. Now that is a lot more in-depth, a lot more extensive. I touch on these things, but I also go a lot deeper and I expand on it. There's a lot in there. And so if you are wanting to go deeper on this and you're wanting support and accountability and someone to just encourage you and keep you going, I really do encourage you to join the Shees Organized Hub on our VIP level. It's $47 a month. It's not much at all, given how this can literally change the whole trajectory of your life. I know that can sound pretty bold, but I believe it and I stand by it, and I've had so many clients use it that I know that this works. And so if you are ready to start breaking the cycles, to start changing the way that you go about things, I encourage you to use what I've given you today. But I also encourage you to come join me inside the She's Organized Hub to get that support. And if you really are wanting more one-on-one accountability, more personalized support, reach out to me. I have got a little bit of space and capacity at the moment to take on a couple more clients. And depending when you hear this, I may or may not have some space. But reach out and I will let you know. But please take your time with this. Give yourself some grace around this too. Because from what I've seen with the clients I've worked with, this can bring up some pretty heavy stuff, some stuff that you may actually need more professional help around. And may I encourage you that it's not weak to get that help and to seek that kind of support as well. But if you do find that some of these things are bigger and you're like, okay, I can work through this, but I am going to need someone to help me keep going through this because I could see me wanting to procrastinate, wanting to give up, not having enough time, all of that, then I encourage you come inside the She's Organized Hub. Let me help you. That is my main place where I support people. Now you can join for free. The community is free as of recording this. And I can help give you some basic support through the community. But it is so much deeper when you can show up to the live coaching calls, we can work through things together. Perhaps you want more one-on-one coaching, we get access to me throughout the week as well. What have you got to lose? $47 a month? What have you got to gain? Your whole future. So I encourage you, reach out if you've got any questions. I love to hear from you. If you just want to talk to me, get to know me a little bit more, and have me get to know you, because I would love that very much. Jump into my DMs. I'm on Instagram. She's dot organized with an S. I'm there. And I want to support you. And you don't have to pay me for that. Just jump in and say hello. Let me know what's going on. I can maybe point you towards something that can help. If $47 a month is still a big stretch. Let me walk through this with you. Especially if you have been here a while and you've heard how this podcast has evolved and changed and how much I've grown and what I've learned. Yes, I've been coaching for a few years, but this year alone, things have taken a huge shift and a huge leap because God has done so much more in me. And I'm ready to impart what I've learned and what I know to help you be better. So I'm hoping that today's episode was helpful to give you a little bit of insight as to how I coach, even though it really was just a real small glimpse. There is so much more that I incorporate, so much more that I can do. But I'm not going to give it all away for free either. And I would need way too much time than we have for in this. But I'm hoping that it gives you an idea as to the way that I coach and the style. And I can tell you now, all of this comes from a place of really caring about you, being there for you, being your cheerleader if you're needing it. Yes, I can keep you accountable. Yes, I can be a bit stern and firm if that's what you are needing. And I can see that. But a lot of the time, you just need someone in your corner, just encouraging you and being positive and kind to you because you haven't been kind to yourself. Let

Subscribe, Connect And Wrap Up

Mel 29:10

me be that coach for you. So if you have any questions, you know where to find me. All the details are in the show notes. And I really hope you got a lot out of this. And if you need to go back through it again, please do. Take your time. Sit with it. And work through it and pray as you go through it as well. Speak to you next week. If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it. See you next time.