Transforming Family Dynamics with Parenting Coach, Dr. Sarita Singhal

Ever found yourself promising not to yell at your kids, only to break that promise when overwhelmed? You're far from alone and there's a path forward.

Dr. Sarita Singhal joins the Beyond Organised podcast to share her remarkable journey from frustrated parent to transformative coach. As a pediatric gastroenterologist, Dr. Singhal assumed her medical training would make parenting straightforward. Reality quickly proved otherwise. "I found myself struggling to connect with them in the way I wanted to," she reveals, describing the exhaustion of balancing a medical career with raising children who have completely different personalities.

What makes this conversation so powerful is the honesty with which  Dr. Singhal discusses her own parenting challenges and the comprehensive approach she developed through them. Her CARE Model (a 12-week program starting with parental wellbeing before addressing child behavior) tackles the root causes of family friction rather than just symptoms. "You can't show up fully for your child if your cup is empty," she emphasizes, challenging the notion that good parenting means constant self-sacrifice.

The most transformative insight? Change begins with us, not our children. Dr. Singhal explains how breaking generational patterns takes courage and awareness, but creates the family dynamics we truly desire. "We all carry so much of what we've seen and experienced in our childhood, often without realizing it," she notes. This conversation offers practical approaches to staying regulated so you can help your child do the same, because as both women acknowledge, children mirror our behaviors.

Whether you're struggling with toddler tantrums or teenage power struggles, this episode provides compassionate guidance from someone living the journey herself. Connect with Dr. Singhal at www.parentingrefreshed.com or @dr_saritasinghal on Instagram to discover how parent coaching might help your family find more peace, connection, and joy.

Chapters

• 0:18 Welcome to Beyond Organised
• 1:08 Meet Dr. Sarita Singhal
• 2:21 From Doctor to Parent Coach
• 6:22 The CARE Model Program
• 12:14 Breaking Patterns and Resistance
• 17:57 Connection to Medical Practice
• 22:51 Where to Find Help

Transcript

Mel: 0:18

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organizing, the things that really matter, like the parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in. Welcome back to another episode of Beyond Organised.

Mel: 1:04

Welcome back to another episode of Beyond Organised. I have here the lovely Dr Sarita Singhal and just to give you a bit of a background on her, she is a pediatric gastroenterologist by training and works at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. She's also a certified parent coach and mom of three beautiful boys. Dr Sarita helps parents build a strong relationship with their children and find more peace and joy in their parenting journey. She has created a care model, which is a 12-week program that takes her clients to a much more connected place with their kids and helps them become a confident, connected and empowered parent. Welcome to the show.

Sarita: 1:42

Thank you. Thank you, Mel, thank you for having me here today.

Mel: 1:45

It is so lovely to have you. I've been so looking forward to having you on this episode because, as most people probably know, I've got four kids and life can be chaotic, it doesn't matter how organized I am. There's still so much that you can't control, particularly with little kids, and it can get really overwhelming sometimes just because of them. So I've just been so looking forward to having you on here. I'm really excited. So, to kick us off, what inspired you to become a parent coach when you're already a doctor?

Sarita: 2:21

So you know, as a pediatrician I felt pretty confident stepping into parenthood. I felt like I had the training, I had the knowledge, I had the experience of working with kids, so I was very well prepared. But very quickly I realized that real life with your own children is so much more different. You know, things are pretty manageable at first when I had my first kid, but as I had my second child, everything kind of shifted for us. Suddenly I was parenting these two kids with completely different personalities and what worked for one of mine didn't work for the other.

Sarita: 2:54

Over time I started like found. I found myself struggling to connect with them in the way I wanted to, and then the work was getting busy, so balancing the work and the family life was getting harder. I just felt exhausted all the time, kind of juggling it all, and then there were moments I just felt overwhelmed and frustrated. And I love my kids, like most of us do, and we want to do a good job. But this constant stress, power struggles and yelling it started affecting our relationship and I would just promise myself that I'm not going to yell, but I found myself to be on the edge all the time and it just was too much for all of us, like we were all exhausted and over time I realized that something needed to change. I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I started with like small steps. I started reading books, you know, listening to podcasts, and it just wasn't enough, like I couldn't stick to all the knowledge I gathered from these things.

Sarita: 3:58

And then, over time, I was like if I need to transform our dynamics, I need to go deeper. I really need to learn some new tools, some new strategies, not just for my kids but for myself. And that's when I started learning about positive parenting. And that's when I started working on like understanding the nervous system right, like how their brains work and what drives their behavior, what are their needs, and at the same time, I did a lot of inner work and what drives their behavior, what are their needs, and at the same time, I did a lot of inner work and understanding my generational patterns, like my behaviors, my fears and beliefs around parenting, and learning about my nervous system and how to regulate it. So I learned a lot as I went through this journey myself and I started focusing on like emotional connection with my kids and over time I did see a shift. I mean, we're not perfect. It's not that I never tell no.

Sarita: 4:55

There are times when I still do, but I do feel that it's so so much better. And now I have a third kid too, so I mean things are so much better, and now I have a third kid too, so I mean things are so much better. And that kind of drove me into getting certified and becoming a parent coach, because I want to help other parents now. I wanted to help other parents find the same peace and connection that I did and I truly believe, if you have the right tools and support, we can all become the parents we hope for and we can build a strong relationship. But a lot of people just don't know what to do or how to do it. And that's where my role comes in and that's what I want to do.

Mel: 5:36

I absolutely love that and you're so right when I think, as parents, we want to have the manual right. When I think, as parents, we want to have the manual right. There is no manual and just to have someone in your corner cheering you on and just going, it's okay, this is normal. But instead of continuing down this path, we can just pivot a little bit this way and I love that, and it really does take a community and I think we live so separately and independently these days and we're left having to raise these little ones on our own, really, and it can be really hard. So how do you help parents as a coach?

Sarita: 6:22

So there are many different ways in which I can help parents. I have this program called Care Model, which is what I use to take my clients to a much more connected place. You know, I see parents struggling every day in my medical practice my neighbors, friends, relatives and I feel like they're exhausted. They want to do a good job, they want to build a strong relationship without power struggles, but don't always know how. And that's why I created this care approach to make things simpler for the parents and I can take them from a place of frustration to a place of connection with their kids. So it's basically a 12-week program and I've divided into four phases. In the first phase, I talk to the parents about them, like their well-being, about taking care of themselves, because you know you can't show up fully for your child if your cup is empty. Taking care of ourselves, like mentally or physically or emotionally.

Sarita: 7:24

So the first phase of my program is focused on parents taking care of themselves.

Sarita: 7:28

Also, I talk about, you know, understanding their generational pattern, their parenting styles, like how are they doing things currently and what drives them to do things that way. In the second phase, I help parents connect with their child on a deeper level. So we talk about understanding the child's brain, their nervous system, their developmental needs, decode the difficult behavior and learning how to co-regulate your child when they have tantrums or like those difficult emotional moments. And then I teach parents tools on how to communicate effectively with their child so their message is clear, it's compassionate but at the same time like emotionally attuned with their child. Then we work on establishing healthy boundaries, like in a respectfully yet firm manner, and lastly, just put it all together into their family system. So, applying all these tools and learning that you still have to be flexible and compassionate, because with parenting right, it's a lifelong thing. As your kids are growing, you encounter different problems, different struggles, different needs, your needs, your child's needs. So we work on like how you can apply all these different tools that you've learned in different phases of life.

Mel: 8:49

Wow, that sounds like what I need really. It sounds so good and so comprehensive and I love that you start off your program with putting us first. You know, putting us as a parent first and that's something that I coach on as well just from the organizing space is yeah, you can organize your time and your home and work and money and all of that, but self care is a very critical part of it too, and you can't give from an empty cup. So I say the same thing. So I love that because, yeah, once we start to refuel ourselves and kind of find our own identity in some ways as a parent, it makes sense to then be able to then, I guess, have a bit more patience and a calmer manner when dealing with our kids. No, absolutely.

Sarita: 9:48

I feel like I'm not the best at self-care and when I'm making my schedule for the day, or like when I wake up in the morning and think about how my day is going to look like, I don't always include, like my exercise schedule or like you know any, any, any breaks for myself. And yeah, I would say, over time I'm becoming a little better. Like I pick up my two-year-old right after my work from his daycare and now at times I will get to his daycare and I'll just sit in the car and you know take a break for 10 minutes before I step in.

Sarita: 10:24

Because I know like once I pick him up. It's going to be crazy the rest of the day and I'm driving the older kids to their activities.

Mel: 10:35

So yeah, I've just kind of like started incorporating some breaks here and there, or you know, just just so I can take a breath, put myself together it's so funny how, when we're helping other people, it's so easy to be able to pinpoint different things and oh yeah, try this and and do that, but when it comes to ourselves, sometimes we're like, hang on, we need to take our own advice here yeah, yeah so even, even we aren't perfect as coaches.

Sarita: 11:06

Yeah, no, absolutely, and it's funny, like my husband would often remind me of this that okay, you gotta. You know you have to go for your yoga session. You can't miss that. I'm like how do I go? Like I'm my schedule's so packed with good stuff and it's like it's okay if one of our kids misses, you know, one swim lesson or a tennis lesson or a class here and there, but you gotta take care of yourself. And and he says that too he's like that's what you preach people, right my husband's the same.

Mel: 11:39

My husband's the same, but it's been really good because he's stepped up and sort of done, taken on a lot more, so that I can have that break too. And it sounds like your husband is good like that too, so it makes all the difference, being part of a good team, hey.

Sarita: 11:53

Absolutely. It's a teamwork and we have to divide and conquer and it's not easy, but it's doable.

Mel: 12:00

Yeah, definitely I agree. So what do you like in your experience so far? What do you feel is sort of the main thing holding these parents back from this life moving forward?

Sarita: 12:14

Yeah, I feel like one of the most important things I've learned, both personally and in my work as a parent coach, is that transformation is possible for anybody. But it's true that a lot of people get stuck even before they begin, because real change comes with a lot of resistance. You know, change is hard and the process, before you step into any kind of transformation process, it feels so big, it feels so uncertain, which is very challenging. Our brains are wired to seek what's predictable and familiar, even when it's not working. A lot of parents I work with they know that they don't want to yell, they don't want to shut down, but falling into those patterns is so much easier than trying something new or something vulnerable. New or something vulnerable.

Sarita: 13:26

And then I also feel that we all carry so much of what we've seen and experienced in our childhood, often without realizing it. So if we grew up in a house where yelling, control, emotional distance was normal, we might fall into those same patterns without questioning them. And breaking those patterns, breaking the generational patterns, takes a lot of courage, takes a lot of awareness, and that's where people meet resistance. So I feel like you need to do a lot of inner work, which is difficult to do and in parenting, most of us fall into trap of thinking that we have to manage our kids' behaviors, we have to correct them, we have to control them, we have to fix them, and we don't realize that what truly needs work is us Like we need to do a lot of inner work and change lives within us. So how are we reacting to things? How are we understanding things? That's really important and I feel like that's the biggest barrier.

Mel: 14:23

Yeah, transformation they copy us, so if we're yelling that like my three-year-old, she's a lot like me and I love some of your posts that you've had on recently about how our little ones can be like us you know, and that sort of conflict with the ones that are most like us.

Mel: 14:46

And she is a little me, she's a little redhead and got all the fiery attitude. She's got a whole lot going on. She's also the most like, sweetest, polite, beautifully mannered child there is. But, boy, if she's not happy, the whole world knows it. And it's hard at times because I mean, I'm not much of a yeller, but there are times when I get frustrated and if I was to smack her, she would smack back. If I was to yell at her, she would yell back. So like I guess things that I grew up with, just they wouldn't work with her anyway. And and.

Mel: 15:28

I'm not, you know, I'm not big on smacking and all of that anyway, but um, it's more, if I was to do like physical things with her, she would just copy it back and it just we would get nowhere. So I have to have more of that approach, of I've got to approach her calm and then hopefully she comes down to my level, even though on the inside I could be boiling and just like just stop. But it's like it really starts with me and how I approach her, because she's going to copy me ultimately and if she sees that I'm not yelling at her and hitting her in that, then every now and then when she goes to hit me and she's yelling at me, I'm like hang on a second, am I doing that to you? No, like. So it's a work in progress. I mean, she's also three, that's like not a great age.

Mel: 16:22

Yeah, todd knows no, yeah, it a work in progress I mean, she's also three that's like yeah, not a great. Yeah, toddlers, yeah they have their own minds and they're seeking all that independence.

Sarita: 16:29

And I absolutely agree with you and you know that's the key. We tell our kids not to yell or scream or behave a certain way, but we're doing the same thing, so you know kids will kids will be like it's okay for mom to do this, but not okay for me to do this. So this is an important part of it's very confusing.

Sarita: 16:52

Exactly so, and especially for toddlers, because they're absorbing everything and they're absorbing everything, and that's why one of the important things is for us to be aware you may be somebody who is not yelling, but you may be somebody who is shutting down, like there are different ways of how people react to stress and frustration and overwhelm. And we just need to be aware okay, I am stressed now and then have some tools in your box to regulate yourself and then you work with your child in regulating them, because if you're yourself dysregulated, you can't really help regulate your child, and that's when things kind of start spiraling down.

Mel: 17:34

Yeah, completely agree, as much as I even like. I feel like I know a lot of this and I'm trying a lot of it. Gosh even four kids in. I feel like I need you. I could learn so much from you.

Sarita: 17:47

I'm here for you, mel, anytime. You know, just sometimes, just talking to you, I feel like every parent needs you.

Mel: 17:55

I think it doesn't matter how well we feel like we're doing or other people might be complimenting how well behaved our kids are or anything like that. We could all use just a little bit of a different perspective or refresher or encouragement, because there are some days that are so, so hard. And you know one of my beautiful friends. She reached out recently because she's struggling with her boys and it's all so full on, and so I've offered to take them next week for a few hours to give her a break. It's like if you don't reach out for help, then people don't know you need it. So it's important to sort of have that village and have that support and we all just try and help each other.

Sarita: 18:42

Yeah, no, absolutely, and reaching out for help is such an important part of self-care too. Most women like including myself like I am not so comfortable reaching out for help. I would reach out for help when it's like a total crisis situation.

Mel: 18:56

Disparate I'm changing that.

Sarita: 18:58

I'm changing that even with like the family members or my husband, or with our nanny or my friends, I'm trying to like push myself to get more comfortable asking for help, because you don't want to be in a crisis situation before you seek out help.

Mel: 19:17

It's funny how I don't know whether it's just a thing that's wired into us as mums, or just how we grew up, or I don't know but yeah, asking for help. I think a lot of us feel like asking for help means you're failing. Yeah, and that's just not the case. You know you're not failing, and so what I've been trying to help my friends with, and and everything as well, is just ask. If I can't do it, I can't do it, but if I can, I will help you. So let's try and help each other before we get to a stage where we're so desperate and so depleted that we're no good to anyone.

Mel: 19:56

It's easy for me to help my friends, but even I have to still take my own advice and I have to be like hang on a second, oh, are you able to help me with this or that? And yeah, it's hard, it is hard, but what's the worst people can say is no, and you're no worse off than if you didn't ask in the first place anyway. But at least people are aware now. So, and look, a lot of the time I've found, whenever I've needed help over the years with certain things, friends are always very quick to jump in and help, because that's what friends do, and family depends on everyone's situation and what they've got, but I love that.

Mel: 20:35

So, oh gosh, I feel like I can ask a million questions and talk about a million things and we don't have a million hours. So in your experience and what you've done so far as a coach, how do you feel that relates and works in with you as a doctor? Like, do the two worlds kind of cross over?

Sarita: 21:02

So they do cross over in the manner that as a doctor because I'm a pediatrician I see all these, I interact with parents and kids like all the time and that kind of gives me that broadens my perspective, because I'm not just dealing with people who are in my family or in my friend circle. I see like all different categories of parents, like different parenting styles, different situations, different problems that people deal with, and I take care of so many sick children and that gives me a lot of perspective too that if I'm getting an opportunity to make it better for my kids and for other kids, why not? And you know, that's one of the motivation or incentives from my parent coaching work, that these kids are our next generation and if I can give something to them, I would love to and I would want to. So yes, my experience in my medical practice gives me a lot of perspective.

Mel: 22:10

My goodness, you are just one beautiful human being. I don't even know how you find the time. To be honest, I mean, I can only imagine being a pediatrician is already like full on work. So adding coaching on top of that, you must really be passionate and really care about the people you're serving and who you're helping, and I just think that's absolutely beautiful. So I guess, to probably wrap it up not that I want to, but where can people find you and what can people do next if they want to work with you?

Sarita: 22:51

So I would say that if somebody is listening to this today and, as a parent, they feel stuck and deep down, they feel like they're ready, they want something to change. I think it's amazing because the fact that the awareness I would say is it's the first step in the shift and that awareness is powerful. So, where people can find me, you can learn more about my work and my coaching program by visiting my website, which is wwwparentingrefreshed. com, and then I have an Instagram handle which is dr__saritasinghal. People can schedule a free discovery call with me via the website, where we can kind of figure out if we can work together. And I also wanted to mention that, yes, I do have this 12-week program, but I also offer, like private coaching sessions, depending on what the needs of the clients are. So those are also possibilities.

Mel: 23:50

Fantastic. Well, I'll put all the details in the description. So if anyone wants to get in touch with you, please, please, reach out to Sarita, because I have really loved watching all her content. And then, even today, just talking to you has been fantastic, and I just think there's not enough people doing what you do. To be honest, like I don't see a lot of parent coaches that are actually in it. Still, like you've got a teenager in between and a two-year-old. Like you are living. You are living what you're preaching, so to speak. So I just think it's fantastic, and if you guys want to reach out, I'll pop the details in the description and you can get in touch with Sarita whenever it suits you. Okay, well, thank you for joining us today.

Sarita: 24:46

Yeah, thank you.

Mel: 24:48

I will continue to see you on the socials and look forward to talking to you again soon.

Sarita: 24:55

Absolutely. Thank you, Mel. Thank you so much for having me. I had a great time with you. Oh, you're so welcome.

Mel: 25:02

If you loved this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram at @shes. organised, or, for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised. com toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it. See you next time.