Finding Balance and Order When Support is Limited

Ever feel like you're drowning in responsibilities with no one to throw you a lifeline? You're not alone. Today we're tackling one of the most requested topics from our community: how to create order and balance when you're parenting without adequate support.

Whether you're a single parent, have a partner who works away or simply lack the village that we all need, this episode offers practical strategies that have helped countless parents in similar situations. I share three key approaches that can transform your experience: ruthless simplification (where we examine what needs to happen versus what you can let go), the three-priority framework that ensures meaningful progress without overwhelming you and perhaps most crucially, how to incorporate non-negotiable self-care when it seems impossible.

What makes this episode unique is the recognition that when you're parenting without support, you're often unconsciously holding yourself to the standards of a two-person household. We explore how adjusting expectations and implementing strategic systems can create breathing room in even the most demanding circumstances. From cooking strategies that minimise daily effort to creating moments of restoration that keep you functioning, these approaches acknowledge both the practical and emotional challenges of going it alone.

Ready to move from surviving to thriving? These strategies have helped many parents regain a sense of control and find joy amid the challenges. Your wellbeing matters enormously, not just for you, but for those who depend on you. Connect with me directly through this link if you're feeling stuck and need personalised guidance to implement these approaches in your unique situation.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Beyond Organised
• 0:57 Tackling Life Without Support
• 3:16 Ruthless Simplification Strategies
• 6:52 Creating Three Daily Priorities
• 9:24 Essential Self-Care Moments
• 14:31 Resources and Support Options
• 16:13 Episode Closing

Transcript

Mel: 0:18

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised and, more importantly, a wife and mom of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organizing, the things that really matter, like the parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in. This episode is going to be a little bit different this week, because this isn't something I'm necessarily having to walk through personally a lot of the time, but many of you are, and it's something that does keep coming up a lot, and it's really what to do, where to get started, how to get started when you've got no support started, how to get started when you've got no support. So I know for many of you, you want to get on top of your life, you want to have balance and peace, but you're a single mom or you've got a husband or a partner, but they work away a lot. They'll do shift work a lot. You're not going to be able to rely on them to do a lot of the things around the house and with the kids, and all of that just because of their work demands. There's a lot of different scenarios where you feel like you don't have support. There's a lot of situations where you don't actually have the support and you are on your own. So I wanted to talk through a few of the things that I have been working on with a few people in this situation, because, apart from the physical, practical things which I will run through today, there is a huge load of mental stuff to deal with. When it comes to that, you could be going through divorce and custody battles and just scarcity when it comes to finances and provisions. So there's so, so, so much that can be unpacked with this that I'm not going to be able to cover a lot of the emotional, mental side of it on this episode, but I will give some practical tips that can at least try and alleviate some of that pain, really actually help you regain a little bit more control in your day-to-day. So there's three main things that I recommend that I've seen work and also from a lot of the different people that I follow in this space that are in this situation. This is something that has worked for them.

Mel: 3:16

But the first point is ruthless simplification. We need to go all in when it comes to simplifying your life in a manner of delete. So I talk about the 4D filter a lot, and delete is one of those Ds that is at the top of the list and really is sort of the key thing to simplifying. So when it comes to the simplifying, we need to approach it differently. I think for a lot of us that are in a relationship and have got some help, we can split some of that a bit easier, even if it's not 50-50. We know that if one of us falls short, the other one can pick us up that kind of thing.

Mel: 4:01

But I think for a lot of you who are doing this on your own, but I think for a lot of you who are doing this on your own, you're expecting the same level of output that two people would do instead of one. That's really tough, that's really hard on yourself. Now, I get it. There's some things. You have to be two people, you have to be mom and dad and you have to do more. I get that Just because there's one of you doesn't mean all the things that need to get done. Stop, I do get that, but we need to cut back.

Mel: 4:31

So that could be in simplifying the way you structure your meals. So if you're someone that cooks every night, maybe that needs to change. Maybe it's not even doing a big cook-up or anything like that, because even for me right now, I don't even do big cook-ups. What I do, which has helped quite a number of you out there who are on your own, is that I cook one meal double batch, maybe even triple batch and then so I'll just say I do that on the Monday night and on the Tuesday night I'll cook a different meal, but then Wednesday night we'll have the leftovers from Monday, and Thursday night we'll have the leftovers from Tuesday, and then Friday night it's going to be frozen pizzas or something. So then obviously you got the weekend and you can do the same thing again with that, but I only really cook three nights a week, yet six out of the seven are home-cooked meals, and then the other one is usually frozen pizza. My kids love frozen pizza and there's never any arguments or anything like that. So they have that and I'll just have whatever's left over a can of soup or something like that. So even mealtime could be simplified of soup or something like that. So even mealtime could be simplified.

Mel: 5:48

I've mentioned in previous episodes as well, with routines and rhythms and popping that load of washing on in the morning, maybe before you go out the door to drop kids off to school and go to work, and all of that. If you've got a delay timer on your washing machine, you could set it so then it washes just before you get home and then you can either put it in the dryer or you hang it out on a clothes airer wherever you are. You could set up routines that way, even cleaning. Look, if your kids are a little bit older, get them to help where you can. But I get that some of you are like in baby toddler season and they just add to the stress. They don't do a lot of helping even if they're trying. Like my three-year-old daughter, she loves to help and she loves to try, but it always ends up being more work for me than not. Loves to try, but it always ends up being more work for me than not.

Mel: 6:38

So it can be hard, but it's good to go through, maybe write a list of all the things that you need to do, that is expected of you in your home and what you can do out of those things. To simplify, okay. So number two I create three priorities in a day. I know that there's a lot of people that say just have one priority, and there's certain situations where I'll say, just pick one thing. But overall I pick three things for the day, but it's not three things to do with the home or something like that. I pick one priority when it comes to my home or the household, so it could be the family or the household, so it could be the family. One when it comes to my work and one when it comes to me, personal care, kind of things.

Mel: 7:23

So you don't need to be doing a million things in a day. Just if you do end up having a laundry day, maybe it's just you and one child or something like that. You don't need to be doing loads of washing every single day. Maybe you just do it on a Saturday morning or something like that. That's fine. But picking a particular priority for the day out of the home, work and personal, you can pick any three categories you like. That's just what I use and I find it covers everything that I need, but picking one priority out of that and getting that done.

Mel: 7:57

So then if all the other things don't get done, you're not overwhelmed to the point where you're feeling like nothing is getting done. You said today is laundry day, got the laundry, got the washing done. I didn't get around to cleaning the toy room or anything like that, and that's fine, because that wasn't the priority. Now I know that at a certain point, if you keep getting further and further behind, that doesn't help. So there are still tasks that need to get done in the day. I'm not saying just do one thing in a day, but have priorities that that's the thing that's going to make the biggest impact, that really needs to get done. And then once that's done, you can still get all these other tasks done. But if not all of it got done, you're not feeling so overwhelmed that you're getting further and further behind because you've at least done the thing that you know you needed to get done today to be able to keep moving forward. So number two was picking the three priorities from those three different categories. Now the third one, and I think, if anything, this is probably the most important one, and you're going to go.

Mel: 9:13

Mel, I hear what you're saying and I think this is a great idea, but there's no possible way. I am telling you, though this is not optional. This is absolutely essential, as someone that has seen this time and time again, not just in my work, but friends, family. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people near and dear to me that are single moms, and this is essential, but not just for the single moms. This is really essential for everyone. It is prioritizing self-care moments.

Mel: 9:51

Self-care moments, now, it doesn't have to be an hour out of every day kind of thing, but when I have more of that one-on-one time with people, I try and break up the self-care sort of into three categories a daily one, a weekly one and a monthly one. Probably thinking, whoa Mel, just one thing alone is just impossible. Now you want me to do it daily, weekly and monthly. Yes, so now, daily five minutes. There's a lot you can do in five minutes. It could just be writing in a journal for the day. Sometimes that takes a bit more than five minutes, depending on how much you need to write, but it could be writing in a journal. It could just be sitting down drinking a hot coffee in silence, giving your nervous system a chance to have a break and not be so on edge. It could be that you just whip out your coloring book and you just color for five minutes. Maybe you just sit in prayer for five minutes. Whatever it is, there's a lot of ideas and I'll come back to some of those ideas and how you can work that out.

Mel: 11:17

Now, weekly you might pick something that's a bit bigger. Maybe it's catching up with a friend for an hour, playdates and things like that, if you've got the time and you've got the money, and that maybe you go for a massage or get your nails done, or whatever it is that's important to you. It doesn't have to be the same thing every week. Just know that maybe you don't work on a Friday and the kids are at school and you've got an hour to do something. Whatever it is. Now, for probably a lot of you, you probably are working full-time and you don't have any time to yourself outside of the kids. That's okay. There are things that you can still do, even with the kids around, so maybe once they're in bed at night on a Friday night, you can do like a Zoom catch-up with some of your girlfriends and have a chat like a wine and cake over Zoom or something, because none of you can physically leave the house, because you can't afford a babysitter or anything like that.

Mel: 12:15

There are plenty of ideas that I'm more than happy to share with you. If you really are stuck with that and look monthly, this is one that needs to be something that actually gets you excited, something to look forward to for the month, keeps you motivated, keeps you going when some days are pretty tough, and that could be organizing a babysitter once a month to help with the kids for a few hours while you go out and do something, or it could just even be that you know that there's a particular day coming up where you can have a nap, anything. So I have got inside the she's Organized Hub, which I've mentioned before. I have got a list of things that are both paid and free, from five minutes to 60 minutes. I've got a whole list of ideas and stuff in there. But even if you're not inside the hub and you really want some help, reach out. I'm more than happy to give you some ideas to help you. So they're the three main things to get you started.

Mel: 13:16

So simplifying by decluttering, deleting, just removing some of the weight off, so maybe not cooking every night and not having to clean everything every day, or whatever it is. Simplify Then. Have your three priorities from those three categories and then have those self-care moments. Those things are needed to get you started and I would be making them the priority because that is stuff that removes things off your plate, helps you focus a bit more and also refills your cup so you can keep giving, because you're no good to anyone, especially those that are dependent on you. If you literally have nothing to give and I know so many of you have nothing left to give that's what you feel and I want to change that you are.

Mel: 14:13

The whole reason why I am doing what I'm doing is because I want all of you every single one of you listening to feel like you have the power and the control to actually get the most out of your life and not feel like your life is controlling you. So if you're wanting more information on the she's Organized Hub, you can go to the description or beyondorganised. com/ toolkit the link's in there for the hub Got a lot of stuff happening in there and I would love to have you join us. But if you're someone that is really feeling unsupported you know, mel, this really hit me. I hear what you're saying but I still just can't see how this is possible, how this is going to actually work then I encourage you to find an hour to book in a time with me where we will go through together and create a plan, get you started on this. All you got to do is just fill out a form and it's completely free and we can start creating a plan to move you forward and get unstuck and actually get the support you need.

Mel: 15:38

So, as much as having community in that is fantastic, sometimes you just need someone that hears you and sees you and knows exactly what you're going through you and sees you and knows exactly what you're going through. So if that's you, head to the description. There'll be a link there and I really just want to serve you. I want to help you, I want to get you moving forward. But if you have any other questions or things you'd like answered on the podcast, just head to the description and all the details are there and I really hope and pray that you all have a very lovely and blessed week. See you next time. If you loved this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes. organised, or, for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised. com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it. See you next time.