From Autopilot to Intention with Candice Catoire

Burnout doesn't have to be the price of motherhood and entrepreneurship. In this eye-opening conversation with burnout and balance coach Candice Catois, we unpack the hidden factors keeping so many mothers stuck in cycles of exhaustion and overwhelm.

Candice reveals how operating on autopilot prevents us from creating the intentional life we desire. "Our brains are lazy," she explains, "they're going to do what they've always done unless we consciously intervene." This automatic functioning often creates a dangerous misalignment between our stated values and our daily priorities. Through practical coaching, Candice helps entrepreneurial mothers identify this gap and create systems that support both their business aspirations and family commitments.

The conversation takes an especially powerful turn when we discuss the distinction between having it all and doing it all. "You can have it all, you just can't do it all," Candice emphasizes. This shift in perspective allows mothers to release the impossible standard of personal perfection while still creating a life that honors all aspects of their identity. We explore how meeting our needs "in tandem" with our family's needs (rather than constantly putting ourselves last) actually makes us better parents and more effective business owners.

For any mother who's felt torn between career ambitions and family life, this episode offers a refreshing alternative to the burnout cycle. Discover how creating margin in your schedule, aligning your actions with your values, and embracing seasons of life can transform your experience of motherhood and entrepreneurship. Your children deserve a mother who's thriving, not just surviving and this conversation shows you how to become exactly that.

Want to continue the conversation? Connect with Candice on Instagram @soul_cadence_coaching or Mel on Instagram @shes.organised or grab free resources at beyondorganised.com/toolkit to start implementing these ideas today.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Beyond Organised
• 1:42 Meet Candice: Burnout and Balance Coach
• 3:45 Breaking Free from Autopilot Living
• 9:05 Intentional Living and Resisting Change
• 15:40 Finding Balance as Entrepreneurial Moms
• 20:30 Meeting Needs in Tandem
• 22:00 Final Thoughts and Where to Connect

Transcript

Mel: 0:18

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real-life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organizing, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in. Welcome back to another episode of Beyond Organised. Back to another episode of Beyond Organised.

Mel: 1:08

Today I have the lovely Candice Catoire. She is here to talk to us, particularly when it comes to burnout and balance. She is a burnout and balance coach. She comes from Washington State in the US and she works primarily with entrepreneur millennial moms helping their business and creating that work-life balance. I'm very excited to get into today's episode and I'm sure I'm going to learn plenty of things. So welcome to the show, Candice, thank you.

Candice: 1:32

Thank you so much for having me.

Mel: 1:34

Oh, you're so welcome. So I've been looking through your stuff and I really like what you put on Instagram and everything but for everyone listening. Can you please give us a bit of background as to what you do and what inspired you to get into it?

Candice: 1:48

Yeah, so I am a burnout and balance coach is what I've been calling myself most recently, but I have a background in mental health. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist here in the state of Washington, but separately. Online, I do coaching. I always emphasize coaching is not therapy, be very clear about that.

Candice: 2:09

But what drew me was I spent the first part of my career working with kids and teens, and what I noticed was to give them the best foot forward. Supporting their moms and mental health is a really big way to do that. And what I noticed, especially around COVID time, was things were shifting, people were starting businesses, but moms are exhausted and they're trying to figure out business and kids. And how do we be home with our kids while still having something for ourselves? And so they're lacking balance, they're burning out, and to me it's important to have moms realize like you can kind of build both in a way that is sustaining for you, so that you have fulfilled lives, you're contributing financially, you have something that's for yourself, but you're still showing up in all the ways for your kids, and so that's what drew me here.

Mel: 3:01

Yeah, I think it's very much needed, especially COVID. Really was that turning point for so many of us in actually reevaluating our lives and also what we want to put out there and contribute to help others as well, so I think that's fantastic. So, in what you do, can you give us a bit of a breakdown as to what you do, how you do it and how you help these moms?

Candice: 3:27

Yeah, so one of the first things I do is I kind of walk them through some of these hidden things that are kind of stumping them, that a lot of us don't think about Some things that I realize were really contributing to me just feeling dragged down, burnt out. And so I walk them through that and then I start the shift with our values and priorities, because what happens is a lot of us end up on autopilot, not by fault of our own, but just because that's how our brains work. Right, they're just our brains are lazy, they're going to do what they're going to do. And so when we sit down and evaluate our values, what we want for our family, and then what we're actually prioritizing, we realize, oh, these things aren't aligned and I am running in several different directions. That misalignment is because of a values issue or a temporary, like seasonal issue, like I can't focus on that value right now because of this, but that's just for this season.

Candice: 4:34

Yes, and so I help them sort that out too, because that's another important piece that we forget.

Mel: 4:40

Yeah, no. I completely agree. It was interesting just last night I was on a coaching call with someone and brand new client and she was telling me a little bit about her life. But I just said I don't think you actually need me right now, like the season you're in, you've got a lot happening but it's really going to end in another month or so anyway, and you already know what to do beyond that.

Mel: 5:05

So I don't think you actually need me, because it's just the season you're in and you really just need a friend to talk to right, if anything and so I think I think you're right in being able to work out what your values are and your priorities are, but also acknowledging the season you're in and obviously in that lady's case she didn't really need me, but in majority of women that I come across, they actually need that bit of extra support, and I'm sure you see the same thing too. Where you're like you're a bit stuck, let's try and help you move forward from it.

Candice: 5:40

Yes, exactly, and then we build from there. I walk through other shifts to take and then I from there I kind of act as like accountability and practical support in like building what is your schedule look like? What can it look like in this season? Because what it would look like for a brand new mom is going to look vastly different than what it looks like for me right now with a six and five year old. And what it looks like for someone who has, you know, child care support is going to look vastly different than what it looks like for me right now with a six and five year old. And what it looks like for someone who has, you know, childcare support is going to look vastly different than someone who doesn't.

Candice: 6:11

So I help them kind of find all those things and put the pieces together for what their practical stuff can look like and then help them kind of manage their own coping skills and stuff to keep their cool while they're doing all of this so that they can grow their businesses and they can do all the family stuff and have all that. But my biggest key that I always tell people in my messaging and in coaching and stuff is you can have it all. You just can't do it all, and there's a very big difference there.

Mel: 6:39

Yes, yeah, definitely, and I think also setting realistic expectations as well and just going. You can even in that you can have it all eventually.

Candice: 6:57

and also with expectations, like there is the shift that has to happen of some of our expectations. Sometimes and that's another thing I do talk to clients about it's like well, let's look at your expectations and again, the season of life you're in, and how are we going to put those in so that we can scale them maybe? Or we can, because sometimes we just we don't even think about.

Candice: 7:20

Sometimes we don't even know what our expectations are until they're not met and we're disappointed. And then we think, oh, I thought this was going to be something different, but I didn't actually think about it.

Mel: 7:31

A hundred percent, and it happens all the time when you start off with a new client and there's sort of the expectations at the start of where they want to be in like three months time or wherever, and then along the way it's like, oh, hang on a second, maybe I don't particularly want to go that way, or all these other things have come up that I actually want to focus on more.

Mel: 7:54

First, things shift, things change and that as well, and I think it is important to be adaptable as well and just go. You know what. It's okay if my expectations change, and I thought this was my dream or this is why balance, but it actually turns out the thing over. There is actually more what I'm after, and I think it's important to reevaluate as you go and acknowledge it's okay to put some things to bed and just let it be and then fight for the other things, go for the other things, and that's, I guess, you as a coach and me as a coach, what we help draw out along the way, because a lot of the time, until you really start digging deep, you don't even move anywhere, you don't really get started, you don't know what you want.

Candice: 8:44

I think that's so true. I also think it's true it's kind of there's several different camps, but two really big ones are that you don't know what you want, like you just said. And then there's the people that do kind of want to shift right. They see, oh, it is something over here, but they really do feed into the sunk cost fallacy, not even necessarily for money but for time. But I spent so much time and energy going this direction. What are people going to think if I pull back? What are people going to think if I turn around? Or what am I losing? And it's an amazing thing once we realize I just get to take what I've learned from this path and put it over here.

Mel: 9:22

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Oh, that's so good. So what do you find is the main thing that holds these women back in being able to break through or move forward, maybe keeps them stuck in burnout? What do you think is the main main pain point and issue there? There's a couple of different ones, but one of the biggest one is that getting stuck point and issue there.

Candice: 9:43

There's a couple of different ones, but one of the biggest one is that getting stuck on autopilot thing.

Candice: 9:49

I was actually talking to a couple of different clients about this recently, not even just in my coaching practice, but I see this, I have seen this time and again in the past 10 years that I've been a therapist. People just get stuck in autopilot where they think, well, this is just how it is, this is just how it's always been and this is the pattern we've got stuck in. And I don't know the step to get us out of this, I don't know the and so they kind of sit there and either don't make decisions, or they make decisions they think will help, but again they haven't really thought about their expectations or priorities or values. So what they think is going to help in that moment isn't, and so they just get stuck on autopilot. I think that's a really big one. And then another big one is that expectation reality mismatch. Those two things really do keep women stuck, because unless we can sit down and evaluate, our brain is just going to do what it's going to do. It's just going to go where it's always gone.

Mel: 10:49

Yeah, and it will default to the path of least resistance. Exactly yeah. And it was interesting. I had another client. Sorry to sort of jump in and steal something here, but I had another client the other night and I was giving her some practical ways that she could even just do her laundry a little bit differently, because that was a big pain point for her, and I gave her a few things that were little tweaks that were actually going to make what she does so much easier. But she kept on saying oh, but I've always done it like this and I do it like this. I'm like, yeah, but is that working for you? No, it's not. I'm like so are you willing to try the?

Mel: 11:30

way that I suggested to see if that's going to work. And then you're like, oh, I guess that's why I'm here. I'm like, yeah, it is. So you're right when you go into that default autopilot. But also, but I've always done it this way, so it's really hard to shift and change and do things differently when it's just so much comfortable and easier I say easier, you know, in quotation marks it's so much easier doing it the way I've always done it. But when we really stop to think about it the way we've always done, it isn't as efficient or it is taking us more time to do and costing us in other ways.

Candice: 12:11

It's not serving you in this season. No.

Mel: 12:14

It's adding to the stress and the noise and the weight of everything that you're trying to get done. There's a better way to do it for you that works specifically for you. It might not be better for someone else, but from everything you're telling me and it's just it's important to realize where we might actually be on autopilot and go okay, hang on a second. I haven't consciously thought about this thing for a while. Is this really serving me?

Candice: 12:44

Yeah, I completely agree. One of the shifts that I do work with my clients on is moving into more intentional ways of doing things, like intentional I call it intentional motherhood, but it works. In creative Like. You need to be intentional about your business, intentional about motherhood, like and because it does, it does take intentional effort to make some of these changes or you will have that resistance like you talked about, and sometimes they don't realize it's resistance, they're just but I've always done it this way, or this is how this specific person told me to do it. What if this other way doesn't work? And it's we think, well, is this way working right now?

Mel: 13:22

yeah, I know and change is hard, it is hard and I definitely acknowledge the fact that change isn't pleasant for most people particularly when your schedule is tight, your time is tight, your finances, everything else is kids running around your feet asking for snacks 24 hours a day, exactly so you start to change things in there and it can throw out everything.

Mel: 13:47

Well, that's what you think might happen, and so it can be really hard to change. But I like that you, in particular, focus on the burnout and the balance. And balance is a huge part of what I do, because, even though I use organizing as the means for it the end goal isn't to be organized.

Mel: 14:09

The end goal is to live a more balanced life and to have a more intentional life, to better our relationships and enjoy the day-to-day, even the mundane, to enjoy it. And when you're working with your clients, with burnout and balance, what would you say their main goals are that you're seeing?

Candice: 14:33

Before I say that, I want to say I love the organizing part because that helps us create margin in our day, whether it's organizing our schedule, organizing our stuff because I do talk to clients about both of those things. Not as an organizer, I, actually I connect them with other people that can do that, if that's what they need. Yeah. But I like that because you're creating margin, and so I think that is one big thing that they do lack is that margin. They fill it up with everything, yeah.

Mel: 15:00

And it also allows for for buffer, as you're saying like the margin where, if things don't go to plan or anything, you can adapt easier because you're not cluttered and filled not just with stuff, but mentally you're able to think on your feet a bit more and adapt and, yeah, just handle whatever life throws at you a lot easier. So anyway, sorry, okay, so can you. I'm sorry, could you repeat the?

Candice: 15:26

question though, Because my brain just went like oh, there was a question and I don't remember.

Mel: 15:30

So what was the question again? What are you finding is sort of the biggest goal for those moms when it comes to starting off with the burnout but getting to the balance? What are you finding is their main goal?

Candice: 15:45

The main goal that I'm finding is what they're looking for is a way to have something that is theirs, to contribute to their family while also being present, fully present with it, like be there for the growing up years.

Candice: 15:56

They don't want to have to like call into their nine to five because you know their child is sick. They want to be able to be there for them, but they also don't want to miss out on being able to support themselves or their family If things happen. They want to have all of that, but we've been trained, especially in Western civilizations, that it has to be like a certain way to do that and we're scared to step outside of that. So a lot of, a lot of them. The goal is I want to find the way that this can work for me, so that I can have something for me and contribute financially while also actually being the present parent that I want to be Be there for meals, be there for either homeschooling or extracurriculars if their kids are in school, or be there to be the soccer mom to take kids around, but while also contributing to their family. So the main goal is how do I find the thing that will do that for me and do it without running myself ragged.

Mel: 16:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can relate to that just with my own story and, as I mentioned to you off air before that, my youngest is home sick, but he's sleeping at the moment, which is good. But I wouldn't be able to have all that flexibility in a typical nine to five Right All the time, and it is great being able to have something that is mine, that I'm creating as well for me, because for so many years it's been mum, mum, mum, mum, mum and it's nice, and I always liked going back to work and that after that too, because it was part of being Mel, not just mum Right exactly yeah, and I think from what you're saying that these women are very much the same and being able to have something that's theirs, that is part of their identity, outside of being a mom, but also get to be more present as a mom and show up better as a mom because I know I do.

Mel: 17:49

When I can look after myself, I can do things that fill me up. I show up way better for my kids and my husband and my parents and everyone else. I think it's important to look after yourselves because for so long it's almost like we've kind of still stuck in the 1950s in some ways, where we're there to make everyone else's life easier and more smoothly and we put our needs last to better serve.

Mel: 18:18

You know you'll get your fulfillment from looking after your husband right, yeah yeah, I mean, and I do to a degree, but I also get a lot more fulfillment in actually being able to address my own needs too, and my business is part of that, and and I'm sure, for these women, their businesses are part of that. That's what they need to feel like they're contributing to the world outside of contributing through their family.

Candice: 18:46

It's how they don't lose themselves in motherhood or business, and I like to think of it not as meeting our needs first, but meeting them in tandem, because if we don't meet our needs, we can't meet anybody else's.

Mel: 18:58

Yeah, I like that.

Candice: 18:59

It's not exactly first it's. Yeah it's in tandem, and then everybody is kind of you know happier more fulfilled, yeah, and that so.

Mel: 19:10

I agree.

Candice: 19:10

Yeah, because even then, even then, we have moments where it's like, well, I'm still, I am going to have moments where I do put my child first. Yeah, you know, we all, as they age. We're going to have different moments like that. So I just think of it as like we're doing it in tandem with them. We're doing it in tandem. Noah's needs are going unmet here. Yes, we're all having needs met here. I love that. I love that. Yes, we're all having needs met here.

Mel: 19:35

I love that. I love that. Yes, I'm going to use that. That's good. So if there was one thing that you would hope that moms out there would know, particularly these working moms, what's a piece of advice or something that you would love them to know?

Candice: 19:55

I just want them to know that it is possible to have it you just can't do everything to get it and that they are worth it. Doing this for them is actually one of the best things they could do for their kids.

Mel: 20:06

Yeah.

Candice: 20:07

And so that's what I would want them to know, because when you show up in your best, they get the best of you.

Mel: 20:15

So yeah, I agree, I agree, and I've seen it for myself too. So cause I didn't always look after myself, and so the kids got the snappy end of me as well. So it is so important to be able to look after yourself that it helps meet their needs too.

Candice: 20:34

So I do agree.

Mel: 20:37

So, Candice, if there's a mom out there that would love to connect with you, would love to know more about what you're doing. Where can they find you? What can you do to help them?

Candice: 20:50

Well, they can. They can find me to learn more um at Instagram or threads. My handle is at soul, underscore, cadence, underscore coaching. On both of those, I do have a coaching program for creative entrepreneur moms who are wanting to go from burnout to balance and walk through these steps and have someone do it with them, so they don't have to figure it out alone and they can learn more about that on my Instagram.

Mel: 21:16

Yeah.

Candice: 21:16

And yeah, so they'll reach out through there.

Mel: 21:18

Well, I'll make sure that the details are in the description. So just head to the description if you need the details there and you want to reach out to Candice. But I think that's all we have time for today. But I really enjoyed the conversation. I feel like we could keep going.

Candice: 21:34

Yes absolutely.

Mel: 21:36

I really enjoyed it. Thank you for being on the show.

Candice: 21:39

Well, thank you for having me. This was great. I love talking about this stuff.

Mel: 21:45

Me too, and I just love that. You're on the same path, in the same lane as what I am, so that's why I feel like I could talk to you forever. So it's lovely to connect with you, I agree. So that's why I feel like I could talk to you forever. So it's lovely to connect with you, I agree, all right, well, thank you for coming on the show and we'll talk to you soon, okay, thanks, if you loved this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram at @shes. organised, or, for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised. com/ toolkit. Remember organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it. See you next time.